Well it appears that my writer's block has disappeared for a moment, though I will still take suggestions.
Anyways so something that I realized this week to it's full extent is this: Life will not magically get better. You will not wake up one day and suddenly hear the birds chirping and see the sun shining again. If you want it to truly get better, you have to be willing to try and make it better.
Believe me, I know this is not easy. For me recently, this has been a constant battle because it has almost gotten back to the worst. I haven't cut in over a month or considered it in a few weeks, but things happened and I got close to relapsing again, so trust me, I know it is not easy. Because you have to do the hardest things to be able to get your life back together. You have to realize that you have the strength to pull yourself up and dust yourself off and smile when the rest of the world is trying to tear you down and that is the hardest thing to do, but you have to. You also need to realize which things were your fault and what was others' faults. It is no one's fault but yours if you decided to cut, but it is their fault for pushing you down and making you feel horrible with words and actions. I had to realize that this week when my friend said it was her fault I cut, that she encouraged it. I realized, it wasn't the people tearing me down and making me feel worthless or the friends who were already cutting that made me cut, it was my own thoughts and actions that made me do that and that is the hardest thing to admit.
Please believe me when I say this: People tell you "Chin up, it will get better. Just because the waves are rough now, doesn't mean the seas won't calm later." Well sure, that is true. But you are the only one who can calm the seas that is your life. I am not even going to say that it is going to get better, because I hate when people say that because I think "If that is true, then why hasn't it got better? Have I not gone through enough pain? Did I do something to deserve what feels to be an eternal pain?" But I will tell you that if you pull your own head up out of that water and stop yourself from drowning and you take those waves, but do not go back under, eventually your seas will calm, eventually your storm will end, and eventually you will smile for real again. Because life isn't about a wound being magically healed by a mother's kiss, it is about hard work and surviving and saying I am strong enough. I can get myself up and fight my battles because I am strong and I am beautiful and no one can change that, no one can take away my will.
And something else, if someone does by chance offer a helping hand, you take that hand and you hold tightly. Do not close your heart off to everyone because of a few people, because not everyone has the heart of those people who have wronged you. So you let your heart stay open to those around you. But if you except that helping hand, do not let it push you back under. If they begin pushing instead of pulling, let go and swim until you find that one person who will only pull and pull so that you don't drown. When you find that, never let go, you hold tightly and never let that hand go because that is your strongest ally.
Okay, wow, I have never written that much in such a short amount of time. But anyways, I really hope that helped. I hope you find a way to realize you are strong enough and good enough to fight your battles and to find a way out of this war zone. Feel free to email me for advice or ideas and I look forward to writing to you next time.
Bye.
Anyways so something that I realized this week to it's full extent is this: Life will not magically get better. You will not wake up one day and suddenly hear the birds chirping and see the sun shining again. If you want it to truly get better, you have to be willing to try and make it better.
Believe me, I know this is not easy. For me recently, this has been a constant battle because it has almost gotten back to the worst. I haven't cut in over a month or considered it in a few weeks, but things happened and I got close to relapsing again, so trust me, I know it is not easy. Because you have to do the hardest things to be able to get your life back together. You have to realize that you have the strength to pull yourself up and dust yourself off and smile when the rest of the world is trying to tear you down and that is the hardest thing to do, but you have to. You also need to realize which things were your fault and what was others' faults. It is no one's fault but yours if you decided to cut, but it is their fault for pushing you down and making you feel horrible with words and actions. I had to realize that this week when my friend said it was her fault I cut, that she encouraged it. I realized, it wasn't the people tearing me down and making me feel worthless or the friends who were already cutting that made me cut, it was my own thoughts and actions that made me do that and that is the hardest thing to admit.
Please believe me when I say this: People tell you "Chin up, it will get better. Just because the waves are rough now, doesn't mean the seas won't calm later." Well sure, that is true. But you are the only one who can calm the seas that is your life. I am not even going to say that it is going to get better, because I hate when people say that because I think "If that is true, then why hasn't it got better? Have I not gone through enough pain? Did I do something to deserve what feels to be an eternal pain?" But I will tell you that if you pull your own head up out of that water and stop yourself from drowning and you take those waves, but do not go back under, eventually your seas will calm, eventually your storm will end, and eventually you will smile for real again. Because life isn't about a wound being magically healed by a mother's kiss, it is about hard work and surviving and saying I am strong enough. I can get myself up and fight my battles because I am strong and I am beautiful and no one can change that, no one can take away my will.
And something else, if someone does by chance offer a helping hand, you take that hand and you hold tightly. Do not close your heart off to everyone because of a few people, because not everyone has the heart of those people who have wronged you. So you let your heart stay open to those around you. But if you except that helping hand, do not let it push you back under. If they begin pushing instead of pulling, let go and swim until you find that one person who will only pull and pull so that you don't drown. When you find that, never let go, you hold tightly and never let that hand go because that is your strongest ally.
Okay, wow, I have never written that much in such a short amount of time. But anyways, I really hope that helped. I hope you find a way to realize you are strong enough and good enough to fight your battles and to find a way out of this war zone. Feel free to email me for advice or ideas and I look forward to writing to you next time.
Bye.